Van Helsing

Fun, Fun, Fun Till Her Daddy Takes Her Silver Stake Away

          Indiana Jones meets the Universal monsters is basically what your working with here.  Imagine stuffy old Abraham Van Helsing transformed into much cooler, younger and differently named Gabriel Van Helsing with slight but not overly reminiscent Wolverine qualities kicking ass with a gas powered crossbow.  Add in some silly remarks, very decent WETA Works CGI and Kate Beckinsale in a low-cut little red number and you have Van Helsing, a very, very decent action/adventure/comedy/monster flick that surprised me a lot.

          I have adamantly not wanted to see this movie -- and been very vocal about that fact -- since the first preview.  It looked like crap, with crappy CGI that had gone back six steps (or just to that one completely animated shot in Episode 2 with Yoda and the Storm Troopers).  The script looked bad and The Scorpion King flashed through my mind.

          I was much more than pleasantly surprised by what I saw when I left picking the night's film up to Heather.  I was laughing hysterically throughout and completely appreciative of Stephen Sommers obvious love of the old Universal monsters.

          Is this brilliant horror?  No, but have you seen the old Universal sequels?  Sommers totally understood not the books that Frankenstein and Dracula came from but instead from the movies that excited the youth of the nation way before guessing who would win in a fight, Freddy or Jason.  No, it was Dracula or The Wolf Man?  Frankenstein or Mr. Hyde?  Universal ventured a bit into those territories, pitting the Wolf Man against Frankenstein, but it is Stephen Sommers, director of the Mummy films, who, in a film dedicated to his father who obviously got him into the genre, answers the questions in a silly and wonderful re-imagining  devoid of most intelligence, careful mythological continuity or traditionalism, but heavy on what four generations of horror buffs have wanted to see.  The Main Event.

And in a wonderful illustration of the ridiculously split opinions on this silly little flick:

Van Helsing:  As Predictable As The Last Episode Of Friends...

Wimpy - for just about everything
Solid - for the action
HUGE - for Kate Beckinsale's breasts

By: Brian Newell

Van Helsing is a truly mediocre movie.  At times, it's even worse than that.  
It makes Friday the 13th Part 5 look original.  But, it's always cool to see
your favorite baddies together in the same flick.  It's even cooler to have a
Dracula (Roxburgh) with a Vincent Vega hairdo, earrings and all.  In fact, they
should have had Travolta play the character, because that's all you think of
when you see the ponytail.  You may want to walk out of the theatre and put in
Pulp Fiction, which was what I did when I got home.  

I really liked the Mummy movies, giant scorpion and all.  Van Helsing lacks the
flow of Sommers' predecesors, but comes up big when it comes to action.  It's
easy to see that the same person made the film, as Hugh Jackman seems like the
perfect late 19th century carbon copy of Brenden Frasier's early 20th century
Rick O'Connell.  And Sommers just HAD to add Kevin J. O'Conner (who played
Benny in the Mummy) to play Igor.  When you see the character, you will lose
much respect for Sommers' writing talents.  

Its unoriginality hits to so many fields.  The first scene is yanked from Alan
Moore's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, although Mr. Hyde comes off as
more of a Shrek than a monster.  Be wary of the Jawa-like minions of Dracula,
as well as a little container which will remind you all too well of Blade II.  
Kate Beckinsale is (as always) very gorgeous, but maybe she didn't want to
stray too far away from the Underworld sequel, with vampires and werewolves.  

Going to see this movie, you know not to expect anything amazing.  The fight
scenes are well done,. the transformations (and deteriorations) of vampires are
kick ass, and Kate Beckinsale is busty as ever.  If that's your cup of tea - go
right on ahead and see the movie.  Just don't expect anything remotely
clever....

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