Christmas with the Kranks

By Killian Ferrel

Pathetic

Review:

If ever one wishes to be visited by the three ghosts of Christmas, one must first garnish large sums of regret by spending any amount of time and money at a local theater watching Christmas with the Kranks. Secondly, one should tempt the fates with an audacious act of self-loathing by purchasing this movie, exceptionally devoid of any depth or merit, as a staple for a family's holiday video collection. Lastly, one then stunts the development of youthful innocence by exposing his or her children to Christmas with the Kranks and immediately explaining to them how the movie is an adult's shallow interpretation of the holidays as a forewarning to never grow up.

Pinnacle Talents:

Christmas with the Kranks is the film adaptation of author John Grisham's novel "Skipping Christmas" adapted by Chris Columbus (writer of Nine Months), directed by Joe Roth (director of American Sweethearts) and starring Tim Allen (Santa Clause), Jamie Lee Curtis (True Lies) and Dan Aykroyd (Driving Miss Daisy).

Plot in a Nutshell:

Tired of succumbing to the commercialism of Christmas at home, Luther Krank (Allen) convinces his reluctant wife Nora (Curtis) to take a cruise during the holidays since their daughter Blair (played by the forgettable Julie Gonzalo) will be away in the Peace Corps. Unfortunately for Luther, his coworkers and neighbors consider him the proverbial Scrooge for not participating in festive traditions or buying into annual commodities. This results in the Kranks taking drastic measures to avoid most everyone they know until early December 24th when the doting parents learn that Blair is returning home with her new fiancée for a surprise visit and to experience Christmas with all the opulence the Kranks feverishly worked so hard to avoid.

Film Impressions:

The only good thing I can say about this movie is that it had promise.  The concept of a suburban Grinch, though a century-old cliché at best, would have been humorous to watch if the plot demanded the slapstick comedy found in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the dark humor of Bad Santa, the endearing magic of The Santa Clause, or the solemn morals of It's A Wonderful Life.  Unfortunately, this is another case of a movie with an underdeveloped plot forced towards a conclusion without any regard for potential or polish.

For instance, the Chicago neighbors are made so ridiculously obnoxious that audiences can't help but sympathize with the Kranks.  If by the end of the movie Luther and Nora took on the sadistic roles of Mickey and Mallory in Natural Born Killers and terminated everyone around them in a flurry of gunfire it would have been a welcome relief.

The only neighbor that is written without any nuances is Bev Scheel (played by Elizabeth Franz) who suffers from cancer.  This fact does absolutely nothing for the plot save to draw in the reins and bring the movie to its obvious ending.

Jamie Lee Curtis screams and retreats in nearly every scene, Tim Allen takes a Botox joke well beyond the boundaries of funny, a criminal aspect is shown that should have been edited from the script, a nonsensical last minute bit of wonderment as to whether Santa Claus is real is included, and a two second appearance by David L. Lander (Squiggy of Laverne and Shirley fame) that fails to flourish into anything more than a quick glimpse of entertainment history among many other things makes this movie pale in comparison to other holiday classics save for a dusty lump of coal.