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Reviews:
BRAVEHEART
by
Michael Flanagan
HUGE
To put it simply, Braveheart
is one of best movies of all time.
The only reason I say "one of" is
that I haven't seen every movie ever made.
But almost.
And none of them were as good as the majestic Braveheart.
First I will provide a quick review of the
movie, for those of you for whom the first description
was not good enough.
For those of you who haven't seen it, stop
reading and watch the damn movie! Braveheart is the
epic story of Scottish revolutionary hero William
Wallace (Mel Gibson, who also directs).
The film features some of the best battle
scenes ever filmed, beautiful landscapes, wonderful
dialogue, and a powerfully grandiose score by James
Horner (Mighty Joe Young…oh yeah, and that Titanic
movie). And
every time I watch it I cry in the end.
Braveheart
is the epitome of "I laughed, I cried, I loved
it!"
Now, there are other uses for Braveheart
besides just watching and crying.
For instance, you can decide exactly who a
person is by their reaction to the film.
If you watch it with your friend Bob, and Bob
falls asleep during the battle scene, you can assume
Bob is a pretty boring guy.
If the movie ends and your friend Jane says,
"I don't get it," you know Jane just "ain't
that bright."
But the most important use for Braveheart
is mainly for men.
Men can use the film as a casual date question.
You ask your date if she cried at the end of Braveheart.
If she says yes, then you know she's a good
person and any further involvement in the relationship
has a chance of being successful.
If she says no, then you know to end the date
immediately, tell her you had a good time, and go home
and watch a movie.
If a woman doesn't cry at the end, she obvious
doesn't have the emotional depth to carry on a
romantic relationship.
And she will probably marry you, divorce you,
and take the house, the car, and the dog.
Of course, if she says she hasn't seen the
movie, you are presented with two additional problems:
1)
Her
character is immediately brought into question for not
having seen one of the greatest films of all time yet.
2)
You
must try and figure out how to get her to watch the
movie. If
you try and watch it as a "stay home and watch a
movie" date, and you both actually watch the
entire thing, there's something very wrong with the
relationship.
In short, Braveheart
is not only a great movie, it's a great judge of
character and a date-rater as well.
And it's also "HUGE."
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1.) A full investigation was launched by the RSPCA. They
believed that the horses killed in this movie were real and Mel Gibson
was putting horses in danger for the film. They were mistaken as
the horses that are stabbed and otherwise killed in this film were
fake. Braveheart was the first major American motion picture to
depict the graphic slaughter of war horses. Because it looked so
real, and we weren't used to seeing it, even the experts were fooled.
2.) Many of the battle scenes had to be re-shot because the
actors were wearing watches, sunglasses and other modern adornments.
3.) The real William Wallace's wife was actually named Marian,
but for the film it was changed to Murron to avoid confusion with Robin
Hood's Maid Marian.
4.) The extras used for the battle scenes were mostly members of the
F.C.A., the Irish version of the territorial army. As they were drawn
from many different army companies, and the members of these are usually
drawn from the same locality, local rivalry between such companies is
common. Apparently, some of the battle scenes seen in the movie are far
more realistic than you might imagine, with rival companies actually
using the occasion to try the beat the tar out of each other!
TODAY'S
HISTORY LESSON:
They let you know
Scotland's history in the film and tell you what happens to the land and
it's people after William Wallace dies, but there is still one question
many people ask: What happened to Princess Isabelle after William
Wallace died? Many assume she just lived out her miserable
life with her gay husband who hated her and they raised Wallace's baby
boy to be the next king of England. They get depressed and pity
her. Well, shed no tears for her my friends! Let me tell you
what happened.
She soon took a lover who assisted
her in murdering her husband Edward II (Longshanks' homosexual son,
Prince Edward in the film). She killed him by having assassins
skewer him alive with a hot pike through the anus up into his body
(nasty). Her son Edward III (who truly is suspected by many
historians to be William Wallace's son, although most Brits deny it)
went on to rule England and instigate the Thirty Years War. Wow! |
